it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
