dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
