sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
babies were throwing up all over the place
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
