I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
