Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
