he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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