Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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