Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
