He managed to light the Jello on fire...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
