Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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