Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
