Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
