operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
