drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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