Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
