I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
