I wish my penis had an off switch
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
