Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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