I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
