Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
