I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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