Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
