Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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