I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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