I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
