Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm always down for nudity.
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