problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
not ubering you a puppy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
