Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
