i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Panties = found
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