I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
