u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
