Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i need some magic done to my vagina
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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