also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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