I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
