I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
