That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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