i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
