I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
