You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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