i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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