So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
