tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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