She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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