I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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