It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
