If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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