I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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