It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
