That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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