He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
