It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
