I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
